thank heavens for mothers

as i sit here with a just fed baby wrapped in a soft and fuzzy blanket sleeping and dreaming about perhaps his life with Heavenly Father, i can't help but think, "holy crap, i'm a mom."

this is my first mothers day and right now we have my mom helping us out with our newborn.  she's helped us so much already and is planning on being with us for a few more weeks.  i'm so grateful she is able to be here for me.  i've been relying on her for her mommy experiences.  i've been having a bit of the baby blues and she's there to tell me that i'll be ok.  she's been through the same thing and knows how hard being a new mom can be.  when she first had me she didn't have her mom to help her out.  her mom was still in the philippines at the time but good thing my sweet daddy was there for her.  my mom has always said she wants to be there for us girls when we had our babies.

of course brett's been a huge help too, being my shoulder to cry on when i get weepy because of stress and tiredness or he's the best at waking up everton when it's time to feed.

thanks so much mom for being such a great mommy to me.  and thank you even more for being such a sweet lola to everton, spoiling and cuddling the crap out of him.  and thank you for watching over him while i take obscenely long naps.  you're seriously the best.  i hope to be as good and fun a mom as you were to me.

i will always love and appreciate you for the rest of my life.

and mama caldwell, i love you too!  thanks for raising brett to be the loving and great husband/daddy he's become.  we look forward to seeing you in july!

happy mother's day to all mommies out there.  hope you have a day full of ♥

p.s. check out what brett and everton got me on this great occasion

thanks everton for speakin the truth.  :)

taking the dump of your life-the birth story

"giving birth is like taking the dump of your life"

that's what my cousins terri and katy told me when i was in my teens and i never forgot that comparison.

and i got to experience that exact thing on that fateful day on april 26th-my birthday.

my mom had arrived the night before on the 25th and we didn't really plan anything big for my birthday with my due date approaching so my cousin katy had invited us over for dinner that night.  i woke up to flowers and some birthday doughnuts my hunky husband brought me to satisfy my cravings for em.  we decided to take a risk and make the 30min-ish drive to salt lake city and drop my wedding ring off (which i haven't been able to wear due to fat fingers) to get cleaned and to take my mom to the new massive deseret bookstore.  sounds like an easy and simple plan yeah?

my mom and i were at the jewelry store while brett parked the car.
 as i handed my ring over to the employee i then felt a warm feeling and it wasn't necessarily a warm fuzzy and happy feeling.  i was peeing myself and it was the kind of pee i couldn't stop.  i just had this nervous feeling as they finished up with the paperwork and gave me the receipt.  brett came back and as we made our way out of the store i firmly declared, "i HAVE to go to the bathroom." my mom was like, "oh maybe your water broke."  and i gave her this serious look with big eyes that said, "i believe that is indeed what has happened."
we rushed into the bathroom and sure enough what was dripping down my leg and continuing to gush out were my bags of waters.
happy.birthday.to.me.
brett ran to get the car, leaving my mom and i waiting as my jeans kept getting soaked.  i used my big purse to  attempt to cover myself as people and cars were going by.
you know, while pregnant, i've heard from everyone to NOT freak out when your water breaks.  there's just no reason to.  and honestly watching kourt kardashian keeping her cool and was so relaxed after her water broke inspired me.  so that's what i did.  i was just chill.  i was actually trying to get my mom to not freak out.
brett picked us up and we were on our way back to tooele.  sitting in my amniotic fluid in the car was just extremely uncomfortable as you can imagine.
i just couldn't believe it.  was it really time to pop this child out?  i wasn't gonna be pregnant anymore?
again, i'm still trying to keep my cool.

we arrived and checked into the hospital at around 2.
i was dilated to a 2-3 as i've been for the past 2 weeks.
to get things goin they gave me the smallest dose of pitocin and i sure was feelin those contractions.  they reminded me of painful menstrual cramps that i've forgotten about since i haven't had my period for 9 mos.
hook me up with that epidural!
wow.  i've been freaking out for no reason cuz my body soaked up that epidual beautifully.  thanks again to those who told me there's no reason to be freaking out.  it was perfect, i wasn't paralyzed as i thought i would be.  i could move my legs whenever they told me to yet i couldn't feel those MOFO contractions.
BLISS.

so i laid there in that hospital bed (i guess that's the only thing that sucked) for about 10 hours, growing about a centimeter an hour.  see that giant cupcake?  it was huge in real life, and my sweet cousin katy brought it for my birthday!  def couldn't eat it while in labor but it sure was a celebratory dessert after!

back to the adventure.  i had finally reached the number 10.  it was around 11:30pm.  could i have this child on my birthday?  let's see if i can pop him out in time!
i pushed for about an hour and with the epidural i just felt the pressure but no pain.  and the pressure did feel like i needed to take a huge poop.  i pushed and out came my baby boy at 12.30am.
brett actually helped the doc deliver him.  i LOVE my doctor, seriously sweetest doc ever.  the doc pulled the baby's head forward and had brett pull his torso out.  how AWESOME brett was able to help deliver our son.
he wasn't born EXACTLY on my birthday but who cares?  i'm pretty much gonna be sharing my birthday with him anyways.  that's ok though, i can share.

THE STATS

-name-EVERTON MADDOX CALDWELL

-weight-8lbs 7oz (yeah i pushed that out)

-length-21in

check out all that hair!  i actually didn't have that bad of heartburn.

just gave birth and feelin FINE

first grandbaby for this beautiful lola.

i love my son so much.

i can't wait to watch him grow and develop his personality.

it's seriously still weirding me out every time i look at him.

i can't believe i carried him and felt him moving inside me for 9 months.

i can't believe i pushed a human being out of my own body.

am i ready for a house full of testosterone?

we'll see!

a lovely week

well, i'm approaching D-DAY.

everyday i keep thinking that unexpectedly i'm going to pee myself, when actually it's my water breaking.

i'm actually not as stressed anymore.  i am getting excited to meet my wittle one.  yet i am still nervous about becoming a mom.  i'm not stressed just nervous yet excited.  a concoction of feelings.

not knowing as to when my baby shall be arriving to this earth i wanted to go on a "last date with my hot husband before there's 3 of us and it could be awhile till we have alone time."  it was also going to be my birthday dinner celebration even though my birthday's actually next week.  again, this could be our last time just us. so we decided on a random wednesday night and went to chili's.

since we were also celebrating my birthday i like to splurge a little by getting the FULL rack of bbq ribs.  i believe i've been breeding a carnivore and my little dinosaur ALWAYS wants ribs.

and i (more like the little dinosaur fetus) slaughtered that.

after our little simple date all i wanted to do was rent a redbox movie.

i realized that there was no way i could sit through a movie in the theater since i can barely make it through church nowadays being so big and uncomfortable.

so cuddling up with brett in my sweats sounds GREAT.

other lovely recent happenins 

*earlier in the week we closed on our house!  it is OURS.  we decided to just buy it because it knocked off a couple hundred bucks from our rent, yes please.  we're so excited knowing that in the future we get to paint the rooms, add knobs onto our cabinets (i'm so tired of my nails chipping opening the doors,) etc, etc.

*we had our weekly baby appt and i'm dilated to a 2-3!  ehhhhh i'm slowly progressing so that's good to know.  as i laid on the table the doc just touched my stomach and said "hey you're having contractions!" really??  i have not felt a thing.  people ask me if i've had any labor signs and surprisingly i haven't, at least, none that i could feel.  i guess i've been having braxton hicks all along according to the doc.  THE END IS COMING!

*i was browsing through an old purse and found some old gift cards from our wedding 2 1/2 years ago and checked the balance online and saw that we have about $60 left!  WIN!

*i made strawberry freezer jam.  i love that it makes a ton of jam and the fact that i feel like a little homemaker saving money.

*i finally got a haircut.  this is as close to a mommy haircut as i'll get.

i love how my blow drying time has shortened dramatically but yet i miss my long hair already.  this'll be a good summer haircut though. 

another lovely happening was that we got another baby shower!  well it was more like a baby shower thrown by brett's co-workers FOR BRETT :)

blondies

remember when i made white chocolate cranberry blondies one year for a Christmas party?

well i found another kind of blondie that i'm head over heels for.

CAKE BATTER BLONDIES

click HERE for recipe

lately i've been craving anything cake batter flavored with rainbow sprinkles and i came upon this blog recipe that has just that.  not wanting another pregnancy craving meltdown i made sure to have the magical ingredients on hand.

and daaaaaaaannnnnnng these were so good and so lethal.

pretty sure i put my poor baby in another diabetic coma.

the recipe says that white chocolate chips are optional but i found them to be an absolute must.

the recipe is seriously so easy and didn't take long at all.

gooey, colorful, decadent, and just freakin delicious.

just exactly what this hungry hungry preggo needs.

birthday letter/list

dear brett,

it is my birthday soon, end of the month in fact and i'm sure you knew that of course.  and i know there's a chance i could give birth to your son before then even when his due date is beginning of may.  but ya know, ya never know when he'll come.  so here's a list i have compiled for you in case there isn't a chance to ask me what i want as you see me run to the bathroom to pee for the 7th time or as i shovel food in my face or i could even be in labor.  i am a busy girl.  so let's let goin.....

what i would LOVE for my birthday...

a blingin ring

for when the swelling has gone down in my phalanges

the complete X-men animated series, the old school version

i need to bond with my son and introduce him to a REAL cartoon.

some darling white flats

or some hot heels

preferably some louboutins.

that would be AWESOME

and of course you know of my addiction for some OPI.  

here are some colors that would tickle my fancy.

teenage dream

alpine snow

austin-tatious turquoise 

and i always require lots and lots of kisses for my birthday.

but don't just choose this one off the list cuz it's least expensive.

and lastly, a healthy baby boy,

which, that would mostly be on everton's part.

thanks very much and i look forward to celebrating my 23rd with you,

LOVE ALWAYS,

Alyssa

the fulness of joy

thanks so much for all the comforting words you all left me in my last post.  it feels really good to hear my friends who have been through the same thing telling me there's really no need to worry and how it's all worth it in the end and my friends who haven't had kids yet say that they would be freakin out as well if they were in my shoes.

i'm so grateful for my sweet friends.

thanks again!

so brett just got called to be the ward mission leader in our ward and we're pretty excited.  that means he'll be teaching the gospel principles class, which is a class mainly for new members and investigators that teaches them basic gospel lessons.  we attended the class for the first time to get acclimated and so brett could get the feel of the size of the class (which was tiny.)

but anyways the lesson was on our Heavenly Father and His Plan for us and why we're here on earth.  it seems very basic but i often like re-learning the basic stuff cuz that's what helps drill it into my head.  

and something that struck me was that we need to have a fulness of joy.  it's almost like, a taste of heaven.  the teacher (brett hasn't begun teaching yet) pointed to me and said, bringing a baby into this world is an example of just that.  and that comforted me SO MUCH.  as much as i'm quite scared of giving birth, it made me excited knowing that i, this silly little girl, will be bringing a sweet life into this world, experiencing one of the most beautiful steps in life.  i feel truly blessed knowing i'll be doing this, knowing there are many people out there who struggle with having children.  so i'm now not as freaked out as i was in my last post.  yeah we still need some baby things but there's always time to get those later.  as long as we have the basic stuff we'll be fine.  i trust completely in my Heavenly Father and i know my baby will come when he's meant to.  baby's coming whether we're ready or not. 

37 weeks.

bring it on baby everton.

i'm now officially the urinator, going so often it's getting quite annoying.  we need to get more TP!  and the baby has truly bruised my ribs.  and my back HURTS.

it's all worth it though right?!

fear of the unknown and anxiety

i am approaching my 37th week in my pregnancy and i am getting scared to death.

early on in my pregnancy i guess i heard too many horror stories from friends about their birthing experiences and took em as "just learning about different birth stories."  but now i feel like they're catching up to me.  one thing i'm scared of is what if my body rejects the epidural and i end up having to give birth naturally?  which is something i'm def not prepared to do...

 brett and i took a little birth class they offer for free here in tooele and turns out tooele has a high rate of teen pregnancies for utah and the class mostly consisted of just that, teen preggos.  the class was not in depth and the only thing i remember is the teacher showing us what forceps look like and my jaw dropping to the floor.

i pray it won't have to come to that.  but yeah i didn't feel very confident leaving that class.

at my dr's appt last week the doc said i could have the baby anytime now and since then i feel like i've been on edge.  i have that feeling like i had the night before my wedding.  

i was at my parents' house and i had stayed up till 3 in the morning crying because i was so nervous knowing that my life was going to change dramatically.  i definitely wasn't regretting my groom choice (which was the best freakin choice i ever made) it was just that i let my anxiety take over.

everyone says that your life turns upside down when you start having children and i believe that's what'll happen to us.  i mean, in just a few weeks, brett and i will be holding this baby that is the combination of both of us.  holy crap.

 the anxiety is starting to take over me now, not knowing when my baby will come.

i don't feel ready at all, i feel like we still need so much more stuff, even though we have so much already!

and honestly it's just the little things, and i think about ALL the little things we need ALL at once and i get overwhelmed and i FREAK out.  the nursery isn't ready and decorated yet and what if we don't have enough diapers?

and then, brett gives me lots of big hugs and kisses and tells me something like this, "you don't need to worry about all these little things.  when you give birth you'll be fine, the dr and nurses will all be there to help.  and as for the baby items, we'll get as much as we can and after the baby's born, i can go get what we need when we need it...YOU DON'T NEED TO STRESS."  then he gives me more hugs and kisses.

SIGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.

that's why i married this boy.  he's my anchor back down to the real world.

it also makes me feel really good when he wears this.


i am ready to have my body back though, i feel as if the baby's starting to get crammed in there and his kicks to my ribs don't exactly tickle.  i can't wait to be able to bend down to pick something up without groaning and i seriously can't wait to sleep on my back.  oh how i miss it so.

it's not that i don't like change,

i'm just often scared of it.